Ever since my sister Ngozi passed on November 23rd, 2021 and then my mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I’ve been feeling really...high up. That I am high up on this beautiful mountain and looking down and I'm afraid of how high I’ve climbed. I've been trying to figure out what this meant. And I realized that what I was contemplating was the concept of aging. No one wants to talk about it because talking about it signals to people that you must be "old" and to be "old" is to be marked as irrelevant, undesirable, to be primed for erasure. Patriarchy makes it so that this applies ESPECIALLY to women.
It's all just fear. It always comes down to fear. Regardless, It is happening to us ALL. And I'm one to look at It, whatever It is. What I've realized? I've realized It is to climb a great mountain.
The higher you go...
1. The harder you have to work to breathe. The air gets thin.
2. The more amazing the view.
3. The harder you have to work to establish communication with the world and it with you.
4. The scarier it gets.
5. The more exciting it gets.
6. The more effort it takes to go high.
Some stop to build things, others just keep climbing.
Some want to build beautiful houses with scenic views, but they simply have to climb higher before they can get that scenic view, there’s no way around it.
Some people can’t stand the height and they jump down to their deaths.
You mess around less the higher you climb, because it’s no longer as safe.
The higher you climb the more respected you are supposed to get, but many lose sight of you and thus don’t even understand how high you’ve’ gone.
Many die way up high without people ever being able to find them.
The only way to climb is alone…even when you climb with others.
Your physical looks matter less and less, what matters more and more is how well equipped you are to climb.
The higher you go, the harder it is for people to hear you.
What I do with this information, how I process it or don't process it, is on up. I say the same to you.
Sincerely,
Nnedi Okorafor
nnedi.com
